Living Over the Edge

Constantly “in progress”

pambuller — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 20:18:20 +0000

from February 23, 2008 on my Typepad blog…

February 23, 2008

Constantly “in process”

While relaxing on the couch today, I’ve been reading my old blogs and journals and contemplating the times in my life that were parallel learning and growing experiences to life right now for us. I cringe reading some of the things I wrote. But I’ve left the past posts in tact (although very tempting to change them) because it also shows me “in process”.

Much of the following is a response to my post Life After Africa from last year. That post is parallel to much of the limbo and unknown I feel today in my heart although the experience of going to Africa, for me, was far more changing to my world-view than the current situation we’re in. As I read this, one particular statement stands out to me that has changed within my heart.

I wrote, “The truth is, it is clear that Africa needs us/others. It is clear that other countries need us/others.” I cringe at this statement! The truth is, Africa, or anyone else for that matter, doesn’t need us. They need Jesus. They need us to be His hands and feet. But honestly, without us, God would use someone else. We are not any more special than another.

TRULY, it is us who needs them. To experience their way of life and then return home to make sense of why we do the things we do. To think or re-think each step we take, every holiday, every birthday. To understand how we can learn from other cultures and friends. It was us who needed to feel the impact and the value of every plastic bag or every empty bottle of water which our African friends considered gifts. It is us who needed to accept a meal from our friends knowing they were giving us all they had.

It is us who needs African friends living in America who willingly sacrifice, without question, every spare dime they make to send back to their families still in Africa. Not storing up their riches in IRA’s or savings accounts, but living for eternal riches, giving all they have. It is us who needs to be free of American thinking so that we can see and recognize truth and sin as it is and not be confined within our ideas of right and wrong which may or may not align biblically but have been how we’ve always done it.

It is me who needs a simpler life, not cluttered with “stuff” and distractions so i can be free to live more like Jesus. (I have so far to go) It is me who needs to learn to love freely, give everything I have for my friends, family and even those I don’t know, and be uninhibited in my faith and action. It is me who needs these people we once thought needed us…

pambuller — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:44:54 +0000

A year later…

pambuller — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 15:46:40 +0000

Most of this blog was written in the week after coming home from Liberia, West Africa. We were on an emotional high. Our hearts were forever changed and impacted by the sights, sounds and smells of Liberia and its people. As I read over the posts and look at the pictures my heart yearns for these people. I also cringe at some of the things I wrote. It’s been over a year and growth is a journey I will never arrive at. At one point in the last three years since we’ve strongly felt God calling us to “go” Eric said he would go anywhere, just don’t send him to Africa. I said the same only I was willing to go anywhere but China. Within a six week period God sent us to both China and Africa and all of our “restrictions” on God were alleviated and melted away. As we wait on God’s timing, God’s plan, we are reminded that we have to go through these growing periods in order to find ourselves in the spot where we’re ready to go wherever, whenever.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post on my 2008 family blog entitled Constantly “in progress”. It’s really an insight into my updated thoughts after reviewing the post below “Life After Africa.”

I’m forever being molded after the one I live my life for and I am grateful for the opportunity to change. And I’m grateful for the record of this journey through blogs and journals so I can look back and see where I’ve come from. We’re going ahead as far as we can see, having faith that God will lead us the rest of the way and be a light unto our path.

Thoughts from Big E

pambuller — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 14:43:42 +0000

During tonight’s worship, God used Andy to add clarity to my purpose in life. While he was telling us about pious Bible professors and churches splitting over the color of the hymnals, the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear.

This is what He revealed to me:

I am not here to make converts. I am here to make friends… and then introduce my new friends to my best friend. Through my eyes, I should no longer see Muslims, homosexuals, foreigners, bums, or “good” people… I should see people in need of a friend willing to make introductions.

Thoughts from Rick Warren

pambuller — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 20:55:02 +0000

“The principle that all men are created equal and are entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness — put forth in the Declaration of Independence signed just blocks away from this concert location — are not just American, but can be applied globally, including Africa.”

“Africa doesn’t need our pity, it needs our partnership; it doesn’t need a handout but rather a helping hand up. Africa is not a hardship case — there is enormous wealth in the land. We have to help Africans help themselves and create value out of available resources. I believe the best way to do that is through the church.”

“We don’t want people to die of poverty or diseases for which we already have cures, because God loves them,” Warren told young volunteers during a rally prior to the concert. “I believe with all my heart we can do this, and I believe you are the generation to do it.”

Book Drive

pambuller — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 03:31:40 +0000

The two posts below are the flyers my kids are writing to drum up support for a book drive they are having to support CenterPoint International (check out the link in the sidebar for more info about CPI). This is the organization Tony is getting off the ground in Liberia, West Africa. Last summer our kids combined read over 26,400 pages (and this year two of them have fallen in love with books as much as Jake so who knows what they will do!). They are going to seek sponsorship this summer like a crop walk and ask for donations for every 100 pages they read. We started thinking a quarter for every 100 pages but Eric figured that up and we decided it would send the grandparents into bankruptcy. So, for 10 cents every 100 pages they read (maxing out anytime you feel necessary), they are asking for a monetary donation to go towards children’s books for the CenterPoint Library. There are currently no libraries in Liberia. If you read this blog and want to help the kids in any way please leave a comment or email me. They are also seeking new or gently used book donations. Any amount of support would make these kids’ summer!

Eric and I have been praying about how to involve the kids more in missions. Jake (and sometimes Alex) have joined us in taking the Perspectives class. We have been trying to teach them to use their gifts to glorify God. It leaves us in awe how this idea has blossomed in their minds and from their talents. God truly can work even when kids have parents like us.

a note from my daughter…

pambuller — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 03:30:01 +0000

Book Drive

We are doing a book drive and we need books for people in
Liberia. We want kids to start reading and getting sponsors and the sponsors will give you a dime every 100 pages you read. The money from the sponsors will be in Amazon money and we will buy some books with it on Amazon.

Thanks for your time and support! The Buller’s (Alex)

a note from my son…

pambuller — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 03:28:28 +0000

BOOK DRIVE!

The Bullers are starting a book drive and wewant to get LOTS of

books for it. If you don’t actually want to donate books, youcan donate money. I really hope you choose

to donate books or money for a library in

Liberia, were there are no libraries in the

entire country. (P.S. If you are donating

books, please have them in good condition).

Sincerely,

Jake Buller

—————-

pambuller — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 22:23:02 +0000

“If I understand God I don’t need him.”

pambuller — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 22:22:24 +0000

“Obstacles means we’re doing something right.” – Tony Weedor

Seems like we must be going in the right direction then…

Perspectives

pambuller — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 05:08:07 +0000

“The History of Missions is filled with no name, no skill people.”

”A Missionary is someone who allows God to interrupt their life.”

“Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God.” – William Carey

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pambuller — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 18:49:35 +0000

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernal of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed. But if it dies it produces many seeds.”

John 12:24

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pambuller — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 11:10:24 +0000

“Duty is ours; results are God’s.” – John Quincy Adams

MY SISTER SENT ME THIS…at just the right time

pambuller — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 18:58:06 +0000

“God, please don’t send me to Africa”
by John Fischer What do you love to do? Chances are that love can be tapped into as service for the Lord. This kind of thinking may seem obvious, but it is radical at least to my Christian upbringing. I grew up with a kind of warped Christianity that taught that if I was passionate about something, it was probably wrong. God was the great killjoy in the sky. Virtue was painful. The good usually felt bad. The bad (we were told) felt good. Denying yourself meant never doing anything you really wanted to do. Conversely, if you hated doing something, that was most likely what God was calling you to do. “God, please don’t send me to
Africa” was a prayer you’d better not pray, because that was the first place he would probably send you if you prayed that prayer. As you might imagine, this kind of thinking turned out a generation of very dull, boring Christians who were always suspicious of having fun. Where do you think the Church Lady on Saturday Night Live came from, anyway? Actually, God is one who delights in giving us our heart’s desire. In fact, he’s the one who gave us our desires in the first place, and he gave them to us not to frustrate us but to help us be useful and fulfilled in our service for him. Think of what you know about King David in the Old Testament. Now here’s a guy who obviously loved music, poetry, women, and war. So he became a warrior/king and all his passions, in their proper places and under the Spirit’s control, drove him to be not only a great king, but a man after God’s own heart. God didn’t give him all these passions and then tell him to spend his life being a scribe in a cave somewhere. (He saved that for me!) As a child, I had a passion for music. I would spend hours doodling on the piano, and when I got my first guitar, it became the goal of my life to make the same sounds I heard in my favorite songs. When, as a young adult, God put the idea in my head to use all these passions and skills to write and perform music about his Gospel and his truth, I thought I wasn’t hearing correctly at first. That couldn’t be serving God; that would be too much fun! It took an adjustment of my understanding of God and his ways to really believe God was in this. Now I know that this is the way he works. If he wants us to do something, he’ll put a desire in our heart to do it. God is not in the frustrating business; he is in the fulfilling, joy-filled business. So if you are desirous of serving God, think first about what you can do and what you love to do. Serving God will be along those lines.

Roller Coaster

pambuller — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 17:27:05 +0000

Things here are getting back to normal quite sadly. We miss Africa. We miss feeling passionate about Africa. I am starting to forget some things. I’m starting to get absorbed back into the daily grind we know as America. I am fighting it though. I have made special efforts to create an area of “solitude” for us to stay connected with God and his purpose for us. Our emotions are on a roller coaster. Each day we are further from Africa. We still have no idea where or when we will go or if we’ll stay here. We just know we have to live here the same way we would live anywhere else. We have to make a difference wherever we’re at. We’re searching and evaluating each day what that means in the flesh here. How can we live closely with our neighbors when 2 acres separates us? How can we nurture and impact the four little people living within the walls of our own home? These are the questions I am trying to answer in my own mind this week. I am creating change in our family, even if it is ever so small. I am trying to create questions in order for us to change. I am not settling for Africa to be just an “experience” from the past. I want to be sure I apply the things learned in the past to today. My heart desires to be obedient wherever that may be, however that looks.

Why Go?

pambuller — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 19:12:11 +0000

We learned in Liberia that we should not go somewhere because we feel forry for the people. Don’t go. We need a passion for the people. We need to see them how God sees them and love them how God loves them.

——————————

pambuller — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 05:14:25 +0000

Ask of me,
and I will make the nations your inheritance,
the ends of the earth your possession.

Psalm 2:8

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pambuller — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 22:59:13 +0000

“A Missionary is nobody who tells somebody about Someone.” -Tony Weedor

SEE AFRICA THROUGH MY EYES

pambuller — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 14:58:42 +0000

Scroll all the way to the bottom (or read all of January up to this point) and you’ll find small exerts from our trip to Liberia, West Africa. If you have any questions or want more information about Liberia please leave us a comment and we’ll try to point you in the right direction. If any of this gets to your heart find a country in Africa you want to adopt and go to www.familiesforafrica.org and join. Or come along with us and learn about Liberia and how all of us can make a difference one day at a time.

There’s More

pambuller — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 14:48:52 +0000

You can’t sum up a trip in 15 or 20 posts. I’ve only touched on a few of the people and a few of the experiences. The people in West Africa are so friendly and welcoming. When you visit their home they feed you and it may be the only food they had for the day. Their smiles are huge and contagious and yet their hurts are just as large and deep. Children have seen more violence and suffering than I may ever see in my lifetime. Many people are suffering from AIDS or Malaria but may not even know it. How do you portray these things in pictures? I can’t. I can’t explain the sound of the waves meeting the beach and the feeling of the soft ocean breeze on my face. I can’t explain the beauty and the amazing things God created in Africa. I can’t explain the devastation man caused by 15 years of civil war and the ways they’ve been “Americanized” have hurt them. The peacekeepers who are creating children and leaving them behind. The smell of burning trash…a smell unlike I’ve ever smelled before. How can I put it all into words? I can’t do any of it justice. These people are amazing. Their hearts are warm and welcoming in the midst of daily struggles with basic needs. They’ve been disrespected yet the respect they showed us was more than we’ve received in America in years. Stay tuned. As we process more and more of this trip we’ll post tidbits of things we learned from Liberians and things we loved about them. And, maybe we’ll remember some not so good things. These posts are from our perspective and are written with a loving heart for these people. Please don’t interpret it any other way. Africa needs us to know them. Africa needs us to love them.

BULLER TRIBE

pambuller — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 02:58:28 +0000

GLAD TO SEE US!

pambuller — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 02:57:43 +0000

Goodbye Liberia

pambuller — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 02:56:51 +0000

Women in Africa

pambuller — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 02:46:50 +0000

What does it mean to be an African woman? You work very hard, you have unimaginable talent (like carrying multiple items on your head with great balance), you cook from scratch every day just after your daily trip to the market because you don’t have electricity (eliminating refrigeration), you plan your meals very well, you wash your clothes by hand and wring them dry by hand, you love much, hurt much, and find great joy in life. Culturally you often get little respect but under the surface you are the glue that holds your family together. You sometimes care for multiple generations of your family and often live with 50 people in a small concrete house. I admire your strength. I admire your perseverance. I admire your joy.

PS: defining “women” is difficult. Sometimes a child of 13 falls under this definition.

Friendship and Memories

pambuller — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 02:37:08 +0000

For some reason, I was immediately drawn to this girl Vicki (ok, so she’s like 38 or something but she looks like a “girl”…she’s absolutely beautiful!). We became fast friends and I miss her terribly! (FYI – she’s also Tony’s baby sister!)

Part of our trip we borrowed a small sized pickup. These guys had the breeze on them all the time. It was nice. They also had some wild hair each night and dirt-caked eye creases. It was the dry season and the dust was flying (not to mention TONY was driving!).

This is now known as the Buller sandwich. Everyone must experience it. This car we were in was a very small compact car.

We only did this once but it was fun. Hopefully you will never see the pictures that were taken at a closer distance.

Outside the Calvary Baptist Church in Monrovia. We enjoyed the Pastors and the friends we made here.

AFRICAN MEN (oh wait, only ONE of them is African)